


You Won't See Me Fall Apart

by sleepyfaceandsnark (teamwinchesterbros)



Series: One Flew Over the Gallagher's Nest/ You Won't See Me Fall Apart [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Bipolar Disorder, Comforting Ian, Comforting Mickey, Conduct Disorder, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hospitalization, Hurt Ian, Hurt Mickey, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, PTSD, Panic Attacks, READ PART 1 FIRST, Sequel, mention of violence, panic disorder, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-10 14:07:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3293168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamwinchesterbros/pseuds/sleepyfaceandsnark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel/Continuation of One Flew Over The Gallagher's Nest</p><p>Ian and Mickey discover more about each other, maybe more than they were willing to let show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

ONE FLEW OVER THE GALLAGHER'S NEST FOUND [HERE](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3134594)

* * *

 

 

 

 

It’s their third bathroom hangout this week. They pretty much spend any time they’re not in group or therapy together.

“I mean I just don’t get it,” Ian continues. “We both seem like fully functional individuals. The fuck we doing in a place like this.”

Mickey laughs at Ian’s comment. “I don’t know man,” He says, the white cigarette hanging from his lips, “But then again. You haven’t seen me at my worst.” He raises his brow in an almost intimidating way at Ian before taking the cigarette out of his mouth to hand to Ian.

Ian grabs it and laughs as well. “Yeah. You haven’t seen me at mine either.” He answers back, looking down at his shoes.

Mickey playfully shoves him to bring the lightness back.  Ian shoves him back and chuckles as Mickey tries to get his arm over Ian’s head to put him in a headlock. They fool around a bit until Ian gets Mickey on the ground and pins his arms, the cigarette they were sharing long put out.

“Alright, Dwayne Johnson. Get the fuck off.” Mickey struggles to say.

Ian laughs as he gets up off Mickey, dusting his hands on his jeans.

“Dwayne Johnson? Seriously?”

“Yeah man. The Rock.”

“Oh the actor?”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.” Mickey gets up staring at Ian who is smiling his bright smile Mickey has gotten accustomed to looking forward to each day.

 

You haven’t seen me at my worst.

Ian doesn't know how soon Mickey’s comment would no longer ring true.

 

A few days later Ian is running late to group because his therapy session had to be pushed to before group and it ran a little over. He hears the noise of someone yelling, cursing in the distance as he makes his way to the room from his doctor's office. He can hear the sound of furniture moving wildly across the floor before he can see the cause of the commotion.

He comes into the room just in time to see security guards throwing Mickey to the ground to grab him and get a better grip on him.

“Get the fuck off me! Get off me! I’m gonna fucking kill you! You hear me? I’ll tear your fucking throat out.” Mickey screams at the group, eyeing someone specifically but Ian can’t look away from what’s going on with Mickey.

Their group leader rolls his eyes. “Send him to the fucking SC. I’m done with his shit.”

SC. Ian thinks. Solitary Confinement. The Inferno as it’s called by everyone else. Its location is in the opposite direction their private bathroom in an area that’s been shut down since the 70’s. Patients are thrown in there for punishment with conditions that Ian is sure break several laws but no one seems to give a shit.

Mickey hears this order and starts yelling again with more intensity.

“No!,” He shouts as the men begin to drag him away. “Get the fuck off me.” He yells at them.

 “You fucking asshole!” He yells looking at the group leader now. “You can’t do this! You can’t put me there!”

 

The men manage to drag Mickey out of the room.  “Don’t do this!” Mickey yells as he exits. “Don’t Do this!”

Ian’s eyes follow, still hearing Mickey’s shouts when he’s well out of sight.

He eventually looks back to the room before him. Chairs are in disarray about the room and some nurse was in front of one of the guys in the group. Ian notices the blood flowing out of his nose and running down his face. The bloody faced kid is a piece of shit but that doesn't stop Ian from wondering what the hell he could've done that would warrant that kind of reaction from Mickey.

Ian tries to rely on his boredom to hide his worry about Mickey which doesn’t work. It’s not long until worry and panic take over and turn to fear and sadness. He just wants Mickey back and to be okay.

A week after the incident Ian is concerned that they forgot about Mickey in “the Inferno”. Leaving him to fucking rot away.

It’s so fucked up. Ian thinks. No one deserves to be put there.

The guy Mickey had attacked apparently has a broken nose and chipped tooth. Spending time in group without having Mickey to make things better makes Ian think maybe the asshole deserved it.

They try to get him to talk in group again but Ian doesn't seem to feel like talking without Mickey there. It makes matters even worse knowing Mickey is in an even more shitty place than him.

“Ian? Do you have anything you’d like to share?” the group leader directs the question to him with an annoyed tone.

“Not particularly.” Ian states.

“Don’t worry, Doc.” The kid Mickey fucked up says. “Twinky over here just misses his wittle boyfriend.”

Ian rolls his eyes and looks away.

“Aww you miss him don’t you?” the guys starts making kissy noises towards Ian.

“Alright, Kyle.” The group leader says though not taking a serious tone and Kyle continues antagonizing Ian.

“You miss your little boyyyfriendd.”

“Fuck you.” Ian says shaking his head, trying his best to ignore who he now knows as Kyle.

“You know he’s in SC.” Kyle laughs. “The inferno. Haha. You know what happens to people in the Inferno, Ian. Don’t you?” Kyle asks him, mocking. Ian looks to him. Kyle’s eyes go wide and he circles around his temple with his finger “They go craazyy.” Kyle cracks up now.

“Alright! That’s enough.” The group leader finally interferes again.

“Fuck you!” Ian shouts as he gets up out of his chair.

“Now Mr. Gallagher-“ the group leader starts.

“Fuck you too!” Ian spits at them as he storms away from the group.

He finds himself at the bathroom him and Mickey shared, no longer finding peace in it now that Mickey isn’t around. He finds the pack of cigarettes Mickey hides in there and he holds one of them between his fingers, just to get the familiar feel of it.  He recalls him and Mickey passing them between one another. How sometimes their fingers would touch, causing a spark of excitement in both of them.

He thought remembering would make him feel better but it doesn’t.

“Fuck this.” Ian says, rushing out of the bathroom. He storms down the hall but comes to a sudden stop when he looks into the rec room.

Mickey. Standing there in the middle of the room unsure what to do.

Ian doesn’t recognize him at first but there was no one else currently in the ward with them that had hair as dark as Mickey’s. As his curiosity causes him to move closer to the man Ian can make out the tatted hands and he’s able to confirm it being Mickey.

He approaches him slowly.

“Mickey?” Ian lets out.

Mickey looks up and turns to Ian. “Hey.” Mickey says a little shaky. He looked tired and his hair was a slight mess but he looked clean and thankfully was wearing different clothes than Ian last saw him in.

“Are…are you?”

“Don’t- Don’t ask me if I’m ok.”

Ian nods.

Mickey runs his hands up and down his legs. “I need uh. I need a cigarette.” Mickey looks around. “And to get out of this fucking room. It’s too bright in here.” Mickey starts to walk off, calling for Ian behind him.

They go to their usual hangout. Mickey finds his secret stash of cigarettes and his lighter, puts the familiar stick between his lips, and frantically flicks his lighter.

“Fuck.” He says exasperated, his hands struggling with the lighter’s thumbwheel.

The light finally sparks but Mickey still struggles to get the flame to his cigarette, his hands are shaking too much.

“Fucking shit,” He lets out a little louder, frustrated.

“Here, I got it,” Ian says moving closer to Mickey. He gently grabs the lighter out of Mickey’s hand, almost surprised Mickey didn’t fight him on his gesture.

Mickey leans into Ian’s hand holding the lighter. He steps back as his cigarette is finally lit. He pulls it out of his mouth, smoke escapes his lips.

“Thanks,” he says.

“No problem.”

Mickey passes the cigarette over to Ian.

“No thanks,” Ian says despite craving one. “You need it more than I do.”

Mickey sighs softly and tries to smile but doesn’t refute Ian’s claim.

Ian decides to make some sort of conversation. He notices Mickey’s hair.

“Got a haircut?”

“Huh?” Mickey asks then reaches up to his head. He smiles awkwardly. “Oh yeah. Ha. They made me get a trim. Were afraid I’d pull it out or some shit.”

“Oh.” Ian nods.

There’s a silence between them after that, Ian not knowing what else to say. He stares at Mickey, not believing how dramatically different he seems. He looks tired but not by lack of sleep. His eyes lost the mischievous lightness he possessed and his eyebrows haven’t risen once since Ian has seen him.  His lips have paled and look rough, like they’ve been bitten too much. Even the way he carries himself is… smaller. His steps careful and precise instead of the pleasantly arrogant gait he previously had.

“What’re you fucking looking at?” Mickey asks but the harshness of his words don’t come across in his usual toughness and instead sounds like a soft defeated whisper.

“Nothing.” Ian quickly looks away from Mickey. “Sorry.” He looks toward the door. “Maybe I should go.” He says walking towards the exit terrified that his look of pity to Mickey insulted him.

“No. Don’t go.” Mickey lets out. “Please?”

“Are you sure? I mean if you want to be alone-“

“I don’t want to be alone.” Mickey rushes out, interrupting the redhead.

“Okay.” Ian walks back over to him.

Mickey lets out a breath of relief he didn’t know he was holding.

“You uh mind if we just stay here for a bit. We don’t have to speak if you don’t want to. Just…comfortable silence I guess.”

“Of course.” He smiles a reassuring smile as he goes back to his spot next to Mickey.

They stay in silence for a while, Ian watching Mickey smoke his cigarette. Entertained by the sight of his lips tightly around the stick and the ways his mouth moves when he blows out the smoke. Ian can’t help but think about the gorgeousness of the man in front of him, even worn from the hell he was put in. He wishes he could’ve done something for Mickey but he couldn’t.

Mickey finishes his cigarette and goes into the pack for another. He lights the new cigarette with more ease this time and hands it over to Ian, who takes it.

They pass it to each other back and forth like they’ve done previous days. The silence still went on but it was like Mickey wanted. A comfortable silence. Ian never experienced that with anyone else but it was interesting not having the need to talk but just be able to be with someone.

Mickey finally interrupted the silence with expressing his thoughts. He laughs bitterly. “You know I probably wouldn’t even fucking be out here if it wasn’t for that person that complained about the conditions.”

“Someone complained?”

“Mhmmm.” Mickey fondles with the cigarette. “Some night guard or something.”

“Well that’s good though”

Mickey nods.

“You really think you would’ve been in there much longer if he didn’t?”

“Oh yeah. Definitely.”

Ian looks at Mickey questioning.

“They just fucking leave you in there, forget about you. Like fucking garbage.”

Ian looks down. “Christ, Mickey. I’m sorry.”

Mickey waves his apology away. “Ah it’s not like you had anything to do with it.”

“Yeah but I…I should’ve been there.”

“You being there wouldn’t have made any different. Trust me.”

Ian nods in understanding.

“Guess this means we have different groups now, huh?”

Mickey almost laughs. “Yeah guess so.”

 _So we won’t get to see each other as much_ Ian wants to say but he didn’t want to sound like he was desperate for Mickey’s company. Even though he was. It sounded cheesy as fuck but Mickey was the only thing keeping Ian sane in this shitty establishment.

“I’m sorry, man. Hope it’s not too shitty without me there.” Mickey jokes. He doesn’t know how real his comment is though.

Ian jokes back. “I think I’ll manage.” He smiles and Mickey laughs, a small laugh, but still clearly some sort of laugh.

 

Ian goes back to group despite not wanting to but he doesn’t want to just sit around waiting for Mickey all the time also his therapist advised him to unless he had a good reason to not. Ian didn’t feel like explaining his developing feelings for Mickey to anyone so he decides to go so his doctor will be off his back.

It’s slightly better sitting group not having to imagine Mickey still locked up in the Inferno but soon the joy of having Mickey back dissipates as the realization that now with both of them having 2 separate groups and 2 separate therapy sessions (Mickey’s therapy session days increasing due to recent events) they don’t get to see each other as much anymore. Their bathroom smoke visits start to be less often and Ian would be lying if he said it didn’t sadden him a little.

When they finally meet for their first time that week on a Thursday Ian’s maybe a bit chipper than he’d like to admit at Mickey’s sudden cancelation of one of his therapy sessions.

They share a smoke, shoot the breeze, catch up. Well catch up as best they can at their given situation and extreme lack of change in day by day basis.

Their conversation is pretty light which is why Ian is surprised when Mickey suddenly throws the cigarette he has on the ground and stomps it out.

He looks up at Ian and then back down on the ground.

“You uh… you remember that time you asked me about how I got here and shit?”

“Um yeah. And I remember you saying the drugs weren’t good enough to go into detail.”

Mickey laughs nervously and glances up at Ian from the side. “Yeah well.” He looks back down and bites his lip. “See the thing is. I kinda…” Mickey breathes in. “There was this guy and I-“

“Mickey you don’t have to-“

“I beat him half to fucking death.”

“You what?”

“I fucking wailed on this guy. In public.”

Ian’s not at all surprised. Mickey did have a reputation in their neighborhood. “So they saw you jump some guy and figured you belong here?”

“Nah.” Mickey rubs his nose, anxious. “Kept calling him Dad and shit. I didn’t-.” Mickey clears his throat. “I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.”

“Jesus…” Ian lets out.

“Yeah they said I was having some sort of flashback episode crap. I don’t know. Kept screaming at the fucker long after they had me in cuffs”

“Fuck,” Ian sighs. “I’m sorry, Mick.”

“Yeah.” Mickey says nodding.

“That what happened with Kyle?”

Mickey looks back up at Ian, “Who?”

“The kid from group.”

“Oh that asshole? No. No…I don’t know I just lose it sometimes, you know?”

“Yeah.” Ian looks at Mickey unsure why he just share this information but glad Mickey could trust him with it.

Mickey stares at Ian, hesitating. He breathes in deeply. “Which is uh…” He fidgets with the hem of his shirt. “Which is why I don’t think we should hang out anymore.” He finally lets out.

Ian’s heart drops into his stomach.

“W-what?”

“I just- It’s for the best.”

“No. No it’s not!”

Mickey pinches the bridge of his nose and distances himself from Ian a bit. “Look please? Just stay away.”

“You can’t do this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you doing this?”

Mickey turns back to him and says a little louder than he meant to. “Because I don’t want to hurt you, okay?”

“You won’t.”

Mickey looks at Ian like he has 2 heads. “Did you not hear what I told you?”

Ian looks at him frowning and walks over to him. “Mickey look-“ He tries to grab Mickey but Mickey pushes his hand away.

“No. Look it’s for the best. Okay?”

 _He can’t be doing this._ Ian thinks. _He can’t._ “Don’t. Please don’t.” He manages to let out. He looks at Mickey, his eyes wide, probably welling with tears. _Great. Now he knows how weak you are._

Mickey looks up at Ian, desperately. Like he’s fighting with himself to not make this decision. _Fuck if one person could get him to change his goddamn mind it'd be Ian._ Mickey thinks. But he can’t. Mickey wants to cry. He actually fucking wants to cry. What was this kid turning him into?

Mickey sighs and hardens his expression. “I’m no good for you anyway.” He says moving past Ian putting his cigarettes and lighter back in their spot.

 _Yes you are._ Ian wants to say but his mouth won’t form the words.

“Look I got to go.” Mickey says turning back to look at Ian who eyes are now focused on the ground. He tries not to stare at him knowing that just a glance was too much for him to handle. Mickey shakes his head, looking away from the boy in front of him and making his way to the exit.

“Maybe I’ll see you around or something.” He says knowing it’s just something to say to make them both feel better. As if seeing one another but not engaging with each other wasn’t going to be painful.

Mickey exits the bathroom door leaving Ian alone. Ian stares at the now vacant area Mickey just was and just like that Mickey Milkovich is out of his life.

Ian breathes heavily and falls to the floor, clasping his hands over his eyes, and attempts to suppress the loud sobs now coming out of him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey gets tired of the separation and goes to find Ian to make amends.

A few days pass and Mickey still goes to the bathroom expecting the redhead to be there. Hoping he didn’t actually listen to him even though Mickey had been serious. When days turn into a week and half Mickey has enough. He’s fucking miserable. He is surprised he’s held it out so long.

“Shit!” He yells to no one in the vacant bathroom. He stubs out his cigarette on his shoe and exits the bathroom. He knows when Ian’s group session is considering it had been his once upon a time. He risks punishment by going but he stopped caring about that as soon as the idea of seeing Ian entered his mind.

He’s surprised to find the room groups meet vacant besides Mr. Kemp, the group counselor.

Mickey approaches the man that put him into the Inferno. He shows no fear.

Kemp looks up from his stack of papers on his lap. “Mr. Milkovich. You’re not supposed to be here.” He says looking back down.

“I’m well fucking aware.”

Kemp puts his papers to the side and looks up at Mickey, giving him his attention.

“The fuck is everyone?” Mickey asks trying to avoid eye contact.

Mr. Kemp laughs bitterly. “That Gallaher kid stopped coming so everyone else thought they would as well. I swear you fucking kids are trying to get me fired.”

“Nah maybe it’s because your sessions are complete shit.”

Mickey’s surprised Kemp doesn’t fight him or yell at him but then he gets stuck on  _Gallagher stopped coming to group._ Mickey realizes he didn’t even see Ian at any of the social shit they were trying to always do. At the time he had been somewhat grateful but now…

“What do you mean Gallagher stopped coming?”

“Yup. About a week ago or so. I don’t know.”

“And that doesn’t concern you?”

Kemp shrugs. “Didn’t give a shit when you stopped. Why should I with any of you?”

Mickey rolls his eyes. “You’re a piece of shit. You know that?”

“Says the Milkovich spawn.”

Mickey clenches his fist but tries his best to control himself. His mission now was to find Ian.

He storms out of the room without a retort to the counselor.

 

He walks through the halls trying to figure out where Ian would be when he bumps into a guy he knew was in group with Ian.

“Hey you. You seen Ian?” Mickey calls out to him upon recognition. 

The guy turns around. “Who’s Ian?”

“The redhead.”

“Redhead?”

Mickey tries not to yell. “The fucking tall redhead. He had group with you. Ian.”

“Ohhhh. That kid.” The guy gives Mickey a face of sympathy.

“What the fuck’s that face for?”

“Nothing. Kid just seemed messed up is all.”

“Messed up how?”

“Don’t know. He just wasn’t right. Even Kemp seemed somewhat concerned. Ha but clearly not enough to do something about it. He stopped coming after awhile.”

“Fuck. So you haven’t seen him?”

“Nah, man. Sorry. Could try his room. You know where it is?”

“Yeah,” Mickey thinks. “Yeah I do. Thanks.”

“Sure. No problem.” The guy says as Mickey walks off.

 

Mickey approaches Ian’s door and knocks gently. He doesn’t get an answer so he opens the door slowly.

“Ian?” He calls out. He looks to the corner and notices Ian’s lack of a roommate. He sees the other bed is however occupied.

“Ian?” Mickey calls out again sitting on the empty bed. He laughs awkwardly. “Have I uh told you how much of an idiot I am?”

No answer.

“Ian?”

Again no answer.

“Ha I can’t tell if you’re pissed at me or what. I’ve never…broke something off with someone before.” Mickey sighs. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

Still not hearing anything Mickey stands up to approach the other bed. “Ian? You hear me?”

He sees slight movement on the bed indicating someone was actually there.

“Hey I’m sorry about what I said.” Still no answer. “Ian?” Mickey carefully grabs the sheets to pull them away to reveal the boy he’d been talking to. Red hair peaks out from under the sheets but Ian’s facing the wall and making no attempt to move.

“Ian?” Mickey asks again. “Something wrong?”

Mickey sees Ian’s shoulders shake and hears his breath hitching.        

“Can you look at me?” Mickey asks, calmly.

Ian shakes his head slowly.

“Why not?”

Ian shakes his head again.

“Please? I want to see you.”

“Don’t want you to see me.” Ian says so quietly it’s barely a whisper.

“Why?” Silence again. “Ian please?” Mickey hesitates first and then puts his hand on Ian’s shoulder. Ian pulls the covers back over his face making Mickey move his hand. Ian turns his body towards Mickey. 

Mickey smiles as he carefully pulls back the sheets again to reveal Ian’s face. His smile falters a bit on seeing the state Ian was in. His eyes are red rimmed and glossy and Mickey wonders when the last time he slept well was. His face looks paler than the sheets that he was gripping onto so tightly.

“Heyy.” Mickey says trying to keep his smile the best he can.

Ian looks at the rest of his body hidden by the sheets.

“What’s wrong? You sick?”

A sob escapes Ian’s lips and then before he knows it his whole body is wracking with them. He reaches up and grips his head in anguish.

“Hey, hey. Don’t do that.” Mickey tells him grabbing his arms gently to pull them away from his head. “Hey come on.”

“I don’t want it.” Ian says.

“Want what?’

“Be helped.” Ian lets out. “I don’t deserve it.”

Mickey doesn’t understand. Ian deserved so much, Mickey thought. “Why would you say that?”

“I don’t matter.”

Mickey lets out a breath. “We all matter to some degree.” He says.

“You’re just saying that.”

“No I’m not.”

“Nobody would care if I was gone.”

Mickey thinks for a moment. “Well in the grand fucking scheme of things maybe not.”

Ian looks up at Mickey, shocked by his honest reply.

“But…” Mickey continues. “You make me laugh like a fucking idiot and I never laugh. You make me feel good. You make me…better. Or at least want to be better.”

Ian’s eyes roam Mickey’s face to see his seriousness on what he was saying.

“You matter a fucking lot to me. Fuck everyone else.” Mickey confesses. Ian’s mouth twitches slightly into a small smile.

“I do?”

“Yes. I’d probably break in this place if it wasn’t for you. Almost did in SC but…” Mickey stops, playing with his hands.

“But what?”

“I thought of you,” Mickey looks up. “Seeing you. I don’t know, man.”

“Why did you want to keep me away?”

“Cause I’m a fucking idiot. . I didn’t want you to get stuck with trash like me. Didn’t think I deserved you. Still don’t but… fuck it.”

“You do.” Ian tells him. Mickey looks up at him and smiles, nods, and looks back down in his lap.

“I don’t…I…Mickey?” Ian asks weakly.

“Yeah?” Mickey’s eyes go back up to Ian’s face.

“ I need. I need help.” Ian’s face squeezes, trying to not cry again.

Mickey reaches up and pauses, he slowly reaches down and palms hair soothingly. “Okay, okay.” He says. “I’ll go find someone or something.”

He stands up slowly, hand still gently caressing Ian’s head.

“You’ll come back?”

“Yes. As soon as I tell someone, okay?”

“’kay” Ian buries his head further into his pillow.

 

 

Mickey is only gone for a few minutes before he returns by himself.

He kneels back down to Ian. “Hey someone will be here in a few minutes, alright?”

Ian nods.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

Mickey continues to whisper comforting things to Ian and rubs circles on Ian’s shoulder as they wait for people to come.

 

Two people open the door almost a little too forcefully and step inside. Both are well dressed, or more well dressed than any of the people Mickey’s seen working at the place. He guesses one was the one shrink on duty they could find and the other Mickey wasn’t sure.

They see Mickey near Ian and think the worst, Mickey’s used to the prejudgments but it hurts more somehow.

Luckily they see Ian’s clinging to him before Mickey can start a fight and they back off.

 

“He was the one that alerted us.” One of the man says. “Told Tony to get someone.”

The other rolls his eyes. “Fine.”  He clears his throat and directs his next question to Mickey. “Did he hurt himself?” He asks, detached.

“He’s right in front of you. You can talk to him like he’s a fucking person!” Mickey becomes frustrated.

“Alright, alright relax.” The first man says. Mickey could tell he’s a bit kinder than the other who was more of a barking orders type.

The more aggressive man rolls his eyes and starts again. “Mr. Gallagher did you participate in any act of self harm?”

Ian squirms.

“Jesus Christ. You’re definitely professionals alright. Fucking robotic.” Mickey mumbles as he turns back to Ian. “Did you, Ian?”

Ian swallows harshly and looks up at Mickey. “It’s okay. They need to know. Can I check?”

Ian lifts his arms out from under the covers. Mickey investigates and comes across a small scrape.

“Is this-?”

Ian nods.

“Okay, okay.” He palms Ian’s hair. “It’s alright.”

He turns to the two men and lets him know what he found.

“Is that the only sign?” One of them asks.

Mickey directs the same question to Ian.

“Yes. I couldn’t. I’ve never before and I couldn’t-“

“Okay. It’s okay.”

“I shouldn’t have.”

“Shh. It’s alright.”

Mickey nods to them.

The men explain, as calmly as they can, that Ian has to come with them and be placed in another area for observations and another bunch of reasons Mickey couldn’t pay attention to as he put his attention on coaxing Ian into going. Ian finally agrees and Mickey watches as they take him, slowly exiting the room to bring Ian to wherever they said they’d take care of him.

Mickey sits there for a little, pulling the sheets Ian was in and wrapping them around his hand, just staring at the blankness of them. He eventually gets up and decides for some reason to make the bed. He’s not sure why. He does so very meticulously, like he was doing it for a king. When he’s done he stares at his work, traces it softly with his fingers, and sighs deeply. He kneels back down to where he was with Ian and pushes the palms of his hands into his eyes and he tries to stop his tears from coming.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey visits Ian.

 Mickey is left alone again for a few days wondering and worrying if Ian’s okay. No one came to him to tell him anything.

It’s the beginning of the third day and he’s left wandering the halls when he recognizes one of the men that were in the room with him and Ian a few days earlier.

“Ey,” Mickey yells down the hall. The man stops and turns to him.

“Mr. Milkovich.” He greets Mickey.

“Yeah.” Mickey looks down at his feet. “Look I was wondering if you could let me know how Ian is?”

“Ah yes. Mr. Gallagher.”

“Yeah. I don’t know if you’re allowed to let that shit out or-“

“He’s doing well.” The man interrupts Mickey. “Asks about you a lot.”

Mickey looks up, trying to hide a smile. “He does?”

“Oh yes. I don’t know what you two have going on but what I saw in that room.” The man stops for a moment. “Well I just didn’t expect that.”

“You mean from me?”

The man opens his mouth to speak. “Frankly yes.”

“I’m not a monster you know?”

“I know that Mr. Milkovich. I’m sorry that came across wrong. It was just surprising is all I was saying.”

Mickey shrugs. “You think I can see him or is that against policy or something?”

“Oh well he’ll be out soon and back in his old room.” The man looks at Mickey’s somewhat desperate face. “But I don’t see why you can’t see him now anyway.”

Mickey grins. “Yeah?”

“Sure. Come with me. I was on my way there anyway.”

Mickey follows closely behind the man to Ian’s room.

 

Ian lays comfortably in his bed reading whatever book of his they let him have. He hears a knock on the door and his expected guest enters.

“Mr. Gallagher how are you doing today?” The man greets him.

“Good.” Ian says sitting up.

“Good. That’s good. Well it looks like you have a guest today.”

“Guest?” Ian asks. Ian didn’t get guests. Fiona and Debbie stopped coming when Ian told them to and Carl along with them and Lip was never one to show up anyway. Ian figures the man means guest doctor or something.

“Is that alright with you?” The man asks him.

“Yeah sure.” Ian smiles politely.

The man disappears and then reappears with Mickey.

Ian’s smile is no longer a simple polite one but an almost beaming one when he sees the dark haired boy.

“Mickey.” Ian says.

Mickey smiles awkwardly.

“I’ll leave you too alone.” The man says before disappearing once again.

Mickey clears his throat. “Hey…”

“Hey.” Ian answers back.

Mickey bites his lip as he looks at Ian. “How’re you…how’re you feeling?” Mickey asks.

Even though Ian gets asked this every day at least twice a day it’s dramatically different when it’s coming from Mickey.

“Better.” Ian says confidently.

“But still not…”

“It takes a bit of time. Longer when it’s in this shithole.” Ian says.

“Yeah…yeah.” Mickey sighs. He rubs his head and sits down on the chair next to Ian.

“I’m uh…sorry you had to see that.” Ian says looking to Mickey.

Mickey looks up at him and brushes his comment off. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I wanted to say thank you. For being there. I …It. I know the way I was it didn’t seem like it but” Ian laughs not able to get his words out. “It just meant a lot is all I guess.”

“Eh. I wasn’t going to leave you there like that or anything.”

“What made you come there? Come find me?”

Mickey plays with his hands. “Well I uhh… I wanted to see you. Wanted to apologize for what I said and shit.”

Ian nods. “So you meant it?”

“Meant what?”

“The stuff you said in the room? You don’t want to stop…you want to be friends again?”

“Yeah I meant it. This place is slightly more tolerable with you here.”

Ian laughs. “Thanks. You too.”

They both laugh.

“Did you…mean everything?” Ian asks. His face looking around trying to avoid contact with Mickey. He breathes in expecting Mickey to take back the thing that made Ian almost smile in his depressed state.

Mickey looks at him unsure.

“When you said that… that I matter….ah fuck forget it.” Ian laughs.

“You asking me if I like you?” Mickey asks jokingly. Ian laughs harder. “Like….like you like you?” Mickey narrows his eyes in a mocking manner.

“Shuttup.” Ian says. “Guy can dream right?”

Mickey shrugs then he looks at Ian seriously. “Everything I said was true. I wasn’t just saying it to say it.”

“Really?”

Mickey sighs in fake exasperation. “Yesss. Fuck! Yes.”

Ian chuckles. “Well I like you too.”

“Well good cause then this whole situation would be fucking awkward.”

They both laugh and Mickey stays there until he’s sent after for his one on one sessions.

 

The next day Ian is out of the separate ward and back in his old room. They go back into the regular flow of things they had before Mickey’s dumb decision to ruin the only good thing he had. But now he has him back and everything is as right as they can be.

They become even closer than they did and Ian notices Mickey’s intense glances to his lips before he quickly moves his eyes to somewhere else than the redhead’s mouth. Ian won’t deny that he definitely given a glance or two to Mickey’s as well. May have made it a habit to always walk behind the brunette as well.

He wanted Mickey to kiss so badly but he knew forcing Mickey into doing it wouldn’t help matters so he just waits.

 

One night, long after lights out, Ian hears a light tapping at his door and watches as it slowly opens. He closes his eyes quickly thinking it’s a guard to check if he was sleeping or some shit. He opens them when he hears his name whispered.

“Ian?” the voice calls out. “You awake?”

Ian rubs his eyes and sits up. “Mickey?”

“Shit I woke you up didn’t I? Fuck.”

“Mickey-“

 I’m sorry, man I just- I’ll go.”

“Mickey!” Ian whispers louder. “It’s fine. Stay.”

Mickey nods. He looks towards the empty bed where Ian’s roommate should’ve been. He points to it and looks at Ian.

“Oh yeah they’re making him transfer to a different room. Punishment for not saying anything when I was…well.”

“Ah right. Asshole. He stuck with Snoring Stan then?”

Ian laughs. “Yup.”

“Nice.”

Mickey sits down on the opposite bed.

Ian looks at him curious. “What’s going on? Something wrong?”

Mickey looks down at the floor. “Nah. Not really I just. The dark still…kinda freaks me out sometimes. My room doesn’t have the fucking moonlight coming in like yours does.”

“Ah so you came in here for the moonlight?” Ian jokes.

“Yeah yeah.” Mickey rolls his eyes. He sighs. “Look I’m sorry I woke you. I can go.”

“No don’t go. It’s fine. I wasn’t sleeping anyway.”

“Alright.” Mickey eases further onto the bed and looks around. Ian can see his hands shake a little.

“How’d you get in anyhow?” Ian asks.

Mickey laughs. “I uh. I have my ways.” He grins.

Mickey clenches and unclenches his fist to get them to stop shaking. “Fuck.” He says quietly moving his hands against his legs.

“You okay?” Ian asks.

“Haha yeah. Just….” Mickey clears his throat. “No actually. Ha not really.” Mickey swallows sharply. “It’s just the fucking dark, man.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“Hey I’ll look for monsters under your bed before lights out from now on.” Ian jokes.

Mickey laughs a little but then looks back down and bites his lip.

“Shit I’m sorry, Mick. That wasn’t right.”

“No no. It’s fine. It’s stupid to be afraid of the fucking dark.”

“No it’s not.” Ian gets up out of bed and walks over to Mickey. “What those assholes put you through…shit anyone would be afraid of the dark after that.”

“Yeah?’

“Yes. But hey. Long as I’m here that shit ain’t gonna happen again.”

“Oh yeah? You a tough guy now?”

“Fuck yeah.” Ian says confidently.

“Okay what’re you gonna do to them then, tough guy?”

“I’ll fuck em up.” Ian grins wildly, raising his eyes high. Mickey starts cracking up.

“Well thank fuck I got you here to fuck people up for me.”

“You should be grateful. I don’t do that for just anyone.”

Mickey laughs and runs his hands through his hair. He stops laughing and looks at Ian. “Thanks, man.” Mickey says, serious.

Ian just smiles assuring. “Of course.”

They sit there for a while. At some point Ian goes back to his bed and lays down as Mickey tells him a story about how he and his brothers tried to steal a moving truck.  It’s still dark out but Mickey feels a lot more at ease and he doesn’t want to get caught not in his room by the time the morning comes so he slowly eases himself off the empty bed.

“Hey, Ian?” Mickey calls out. Ian tuns over to look up at Mickey. “I’m gonna go.” Mickey says.

“Oh. Okay.” Ian answers. “See you later.”

“Yeah.” Mickey says. He walks towards the door and stops himself. He walks back over to Ian and plants a soft, tender kiss on his lips.

“Night.” He says.

“Wait.” Ian stops him, pulling at his collar down to him. They kiss again more tenderly.

“Goodnight.” Ian says when they finally pull apart.

Both boys leave each other in a dream haze from their kiss and both have the most relaxing sleep since they were admitted to this place.

Mickey dreams of fiery suns with beautiful grass fields and clear blue skies and Ian dreams of the deep blue, peaceful ocean and gorgeous black birds decorating the clear sky.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian gets a new roommate.

“Milkovich!” one of the daytime workers Mickey knew calls out his name as Mickey sits in his room.

“Yup?”

“Pack you shit.”

Mickey looks up, eyes wide. _Shit did they find out about the other night. Fuck he couldn’t really afford to be in trouble again._

“Uh what for?”

“You’re switching rooms”

_Okay play it cool. You didn’t do anything wrong._

“What?” Mickey acts shocked. “Why?”

“Dunno.” The man shrugs. “I was just supposed to let you know.”

“Fuck. Is this cause of me missing group meetings when I was in SC? Man, you know that wasn’t my fault.”

The man shrugs again. “Why are you so upset anyway? You and your roommate Brady develop a bond?”

“He’s quiet. Doesn’t bother me. What’s not to love?”

“He took a vow of silence a few months ago.”

“Guess that would explain the whole not talking thing then?”

The man laughs slightly at Mickey’s remark. Mickey pleads with him. “Could you at least tell me where they’re sending me? Or if it’s any of the other guys that have sleeping issues in here? I can’t deal with that shit.”

Mickey waits as the man thinks. “Parker’s got sleep apnea, Jack down the hall sleep walks, Troy across the way from you sleep talks, I’m sure there’s more.”

Mickey rolls his eyes. “Great.”

The man laughs again. “Apparently you have til noon.”

“Awesome. Thanks.” Mickey says as the man leaves.

Mickey leaves his room to check the clock outside. He finds that it’s 10 o’clock and figures he might as well go to Ian’s room, warn him of Mickey moving rooms in case Ian decides to visit his room and finds he’s not there.

He approaches the redhead’s room and finds him straightening up and making his bed. Mickey knocks on the open door frame.

“Hey!” Ian says.

“Hey,” Mickey says back walking into the room. “Whatcha doing?”

“Straightening up. Apparently getting my new roommate today.”

“And you think he’s going to care if you bed is made?” Mickey jokes.

Ian stares at him. “He might.” Ian breaks into a smile and laughs.

“Aha.  Guess they’re switching everyone today huh?” Mickey says.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhmm. Apparently I’m switching rooms today too.”

“Really? Why?”

“No fucking clue. And I’m pissed. Brady was fucking quiet. Now I’m probably going to get some asshole that shouts in his sleep. Or goddamn Parker and his sleep apnea.”

Ian chuckles. “That sucks.”

“You telling me.”

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad.” Ian says not exactly assuring.

“Gee thanks for the confidence boost.”

“Ha sorry.” He says lightly.

“Mr. Gallagher...oh Mr. Milkovich.” One of the men in charge enters Ian’s room and looks between the two boys. He looks at Mickey. “Did someone already show you your room?” He asks Mickey.

“Uhh no. Apparently someone is going to show me around noon.”

“Oh.” The man looks at Mickey confused. “Then how did you know where it was?”

Now it’s Mickey’s turn to be confused. “What’re you talking about?”

“Well you’re standing in your room now. If no one told you about it-“

“Wait…you mean?” Mickey points at Ian, who’s staring brightly at the man.

“Yes. Say ‘Hi’ to your new roommate.”

“Shit. You serious?” Mickey asks again. _He gets to room with Gallagher now?_

“Yes.” The man nods smiling at them. “Congrats boys.” He says before leaving the room.

“Fuck that’s awesome.” Ian says, grinning like an idiot at Mickey. _Shit that made Mickey want to melt. He could watch Ian grin like that all day. Now looks like he could._

“Hahah yeah.” He says to Ian then points at him. “You better not be a fucking snorer.”

Ian laughs loudly at that. “Can’t make any promises.”

“HAHA” Mickey says. “Guess I’ll get my shit. Thanks for uh straightening up…roommate.” He says nudging Ian playfully.

Ian chuckles again. “Fuck you. Guess I can stop since it’s just you.”

Mickey sticks his tongue out.

“You need help with you shit?” Ian asks.

“Nah. It’s hardly anything. Be right back.”

Mickey returns shortly with a few “comfort objects”. They stay in their room until the switch is made official at noon and then they hang out the rest of the day in the rec room. Mickey’s so happy about the situation he even forgets his half full pack of cigarettes in the bathroom.

That night lights out doesn’t seem as dooming for the dark haired man and he feels more relaxed when they get their order to turn off any lights. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t still get agitated at the thought of being in the darkness but Ian’s there now.

“Night Mickey.” Ian whispers as he plants a soft kiss on Mickey’s lips.

They were doing a lot of that now. Kissing, behind doors of course. This place didn’t need some hot gossip on top of everything and Mickey didn’t like being the center of people’s conversations anyway.

“Night.” Mickey says back as the lights go out in the room. He looks over to the other bed and finds Ian already drifting off into sleep. _So far not a snorer._ Mickey thinks. Not that he’d complain to anyone if he was. Mickey turns on to his back, sighs, closes his eyes and tries not to think about the fear that starts to creep up inside him.


	5. Chapter 5

Ian wakes up to the rustling of sheets and soft whimpering. His mind, still groggy from sleep, thinks it’s the wind and he tries going back to sleep until he hears a very clear, desperate “no” then it repeats over and over and he realizes it’s coming from in the bed next to him. _Mickey._ Ian’s eyes dart open and he flips on his other side, trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness so he could see Mickey.

“Oh god oh god oh god,” Mickey gasps out, his breathing harsh, lungs struggling against his chest. The sensation of someone’s hands around this throat comes and he pulls the collar of his shirt desperately. He’s sweating, his chest is sore from his hysterical exhaling/inhaling, and he wants to scream but he can’t.

“Mickey?” Ian calls out but Mickey doesn’t react. The only thing Ian hears is heavy breathing in between small sobs that get louder with each intake of painful breath the man has.

“Mickey?” Ian calls out again as he gets up quickly to make his way to the man’s bed.

“Mickey, Mickey…” Ian repeats his name over and over soothingly, kneeling in front of the bed. Mickey’s position was back on the wall, knees curled up in his chest. He rocks as his breathing continues to be ragged. It’s really freaking Ian out but he tries to stay calm.

“No no no no,” Mickey goes back to saying. Ian lean’s closer to Mickey.

“Mickey, hey. Hey it’s me.” Ian reaches his hand up carefully and places it softly on the rocking boy’s arm. “Hey, hey. Mickey?”

Ian makes his way onto the bed, his hand slowly moves up to rest it on Mickey’s cheek. “Hey, hey. Look at me. Mickey? Look up at me.”

Mickey doesn’t do so and Ian places his other hand on Mickey’s other cheek. He gently nudges Mickey’s face up. “Hey Mickey look at me. I need you to look at me, okay?” Mickey’s eyes eventually meet Ian and Ian gives him a small smile. “Hey. It’s okay. It’s alright.”

Mickey’s eyes bug out at him as he tries to inhale the right amount of air but failing.

“Hey, hey breathe Mickey. Look at me and breathe. Breathe with me okay?”

Mickey nods frantically. He breathes with Ian a few times but then cuts eye contact with them and looks about the room scared.

“I need to…I need to …I need to go… I need a smoke I need a …I need to…”

Ian tries to gain eye contact with him again. “You can’t smoke in here, Mickey.”

Mickey looks to the redhead his eyes wet with tears he must’ve been sheading since this started.

“I gotta... I gotta get out of here…. I need to get out of here. I need to get out. I need to get out of here.” He continues to rock himself back and forth, and looks down at his knees, breaking the contact Ian had with his hands on his face.  His is breathing still not under control.

“You can’t leave, Mickey. You have to stay here.”

“I gotta go…” Mickey cries out.

“Hey, Mickey look. It’s okay. It’s alright I got you. I got you.” He runs his hands through Mickey’s hair and gently massages Mickey’s neck with his thumbs.

“I got you,” Ian says again. “But I need you to look up at me and I need you to breathe, okay? In, out, in out.”

Mickey breathes in and lets out a shaky breath and does so until his breathing isn’t so labored. Ian rubs circles on his back as he tries to get Mickey to breathe regularly again. They sit like that for a while until Ian’s satisfied with how Mickey sounds. Mickey eventually lets his legs drop so they’re now crisscrossed in front of him. He looks up at Ian slightly embarrassed and still showing fear.

“Hey, you okay?” Ian asks. He feels Mickey still shaking underneath him. “Come here.” Ian says pulling Mickey closer to him, holding him. “It’s alright. It’s alright.” He says as he feels his shirt moisten where Mickey’s face rests.

“You want to lay down?” Ian asks still holding tight onto Mickey. “You’ll probably feel better laying down, huh?”

“okay,” Mickey says so quietly Ian could barely hear it. He pulls away from Mickey and helps get into a laying position, grabbing his limbs and placing them gently on the bed where he’d be comfortable. Mickey pulls into himself, grabbing onto his own shaking hands. Ian’s fingers intertwine in Mickey’s hair again and he rubs his head comfortingly. He kisses the top of his head and gets up from his spot.

Mickey’s eyes open wide and fearful again when he sees Ian walk back over to his bed. His eyes well up once more but before he can revert back to his previous panic Ian appears back in front of him.

“It’s alright. Just needed to grab my covers. They’re a lot bigger than yours.” He smiles at Ian and Mickey tries to smile back. Ian crawls in next to Mickey and lays on his back. He wraps his one arm around the back of Mickey and the other holds Mickey’s side. Mickey scoots in a little closer to Ian and grabs onto Ian’s waste making the distance between them shorter. Ian kisses the top of Mickey’s head and they slowly drift off to sleep.

They wake up to the sun coming in through their window. He stretches his arms up and looks at the man under him. Mickey wakes up and rubs his eyes lazily. Ian frowns and palms Mickey’s hair again.

“Hey, you okay?”

Mickey looks up at him and nods. “Yeah,” His voice is scratchy. He clears it and tries to let out a “Yeah,” again but it comes out just as rough as the first. He rolls onto his back and sits up slowly. Ian sits up with him.

“I’m sorry you had to…” Mickey starts. “I thought I had it under control. I thought…” He looks at Ian ashamed. “I thought since you were here I wouldn’t…those wouldn’t happen anymore.”

Ian nods understanding.

“I was fine going to bed. I was…” Mickey hides his head in his hands. “Fuck I’m sorry.”

“Mickey its fine. You don’t have to apologize.” Ian waits a moment. “It freaked me the fuck out but you don’t need to apologize. It’s not your fault.”

Mickey turns to him and nods unsure. “Yeah…yeah.” He turns back looking to the door.

“You get those a lot?”

“From time to time.”

Ian sighs. “You gotta tell someone about those, Mickey.”

Mickey looks back at him sadly.

“How often to you get them?”

“Once a week. Maybe more.”

“You need to tell someone.” Ian says again.

“Yeah just add that to the list of my issues.” Mickey says.

“It’s better that they know it and help you through it, Mickey.”

Mickey rubs his nose. “Yeah, yeah I know. I’ll tell someone. Next session I’ll tell Doctor…whatever the fuck his name is.”

Ian continues to look at him concerned.

“I will,” Mickey swears, he sighs. “Just didn’t want to be stuck in this fucking place any longer.” He looks at Ian and smiles sadly.

“I’ll be here if or when you need me.” Ian says, he moves down to sit right by Mickey.

Mickey looks up at him. “Thanks.” He lifts himself up to kiss Ian softly and pulls away right as one of the nurses comes into their room to open the door and greet them a good morning.

After breakfast they go back to their bathroom and smoke. Mickey goes through almost the rest of the pack. Still visibly shaken up from last night.

“Shit,” He says stubbing out his last cigarette. “I need to get Mandy to smuggle me in some more.”

Mandy visits Mickey every week, once a week. She had to work a lot Mickey told him and his other family never stepped a foot in the place. Iggy had apparently tried a few times but he was always needed on a run and Colin usually had to go with him. The others just didn’t bother.

“She coming this week?”

Mickey shrugs. “Hope so.”

“Cool.” Ian says staring at the ground then looking up at Mickey. “Did you tell her about me?”

Mickey laughs. “What that her ex ended up in the same place as her brother?”

Ian gives Mickey a you-know-what-I-mean look.

“No,” Mickey says. “Not yet at least.”

“Oh.”

Mickey smiles, having an idea. “You want to come with when she visits? I’ll tell her then.”

“Really?” Ian grins.

“Yeah really. She knows you’re gay right?”

“Hahah yeah. Made that pretty clear.”

“Yeah then why not? Fuck it.” Mickey says. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you again anyways.”

 “Yeah, yeah. Wouldn’t mind seeing her honestly. I don’t really get visitors.”

“Oh right. Forgot.”

“Yeah.”

“She usually doesn’t stay past 10 minutes but I’ll let her know about you coming. She’ll probably stick around longer.”

Ian smiles. “Good”

They stay there talking about the past. Ian’s relationship with Mandy which lead her to her relationship with Lip and Ian serving as just the best friend and no longer fake boyfriend. Mickey talks about more shenanigans he got into and the two times he got arrested before the last that landed him here. He doesn’t tell Ian about the darkness that looms over him, the darkness that causes the panic attacks like the one Ian witnessed the previous night.

That night when they’re both lying in bed before lights out Ian makes sure Mickey is okay before opting to lay with him anyways just in case.

Mickey doesn’t oppose Ian’s gesture. Not at all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving and staying

 

A week after they became roommates Ian returns to their room after his meeting with his doctor that day. He finds Mickey sitting on the bed waiting. Mickey gets up and walks over to Ian with the giddy smile he almost always had painted on his face. He kisses Ian’s lip and Ian smiles in the kiss.

“Hey. How was your session?” Mickey asks.

Ian’s smile disappears slightly. “Good, good. It was good.” Ian hesitates to show further emotion on the matter.

Mickey sees past Ian’s now forced smile. “What’s wrong?” He asks worried. “Therapist thinks you have something else so now they gotta start you on new drug trials or some shit?” Mickey jokes.

Ian laughs awkwardly which worries Mickey further.

“No. It’s not like that. It’s good news actually.”

“Oh,” Mickey says confused then laughs. “Man you got to work on your delivery or your fucking facial expressions cause the way you came in here sure didn’t-“

“I’m getting out,” Ian interrupts quietly.

“What?”

“They think I’m ready for the real world now,” Ian laughs.

“You’re leaving?” Mickey tries not to sound sad about it. It is good news after all.

“Yeah,” Ian smiles softly but more genuine now.

“W-when?”

“Few days. Saturday. Family will be here to pick me up around noon or so.”

Mickey nods and sits on his bed. “Guess we should stop this shit now then huh?”

Ian looks at him confused.

“Instead of dragging it out you know?”

“Dragging what out? What’re you talking about?” Ian looks at Mickey like he’s waiting for the punchline.

“Us! You and me.”

“I’m still not understanding…”

“You’re gonna be out there. I’m gonna be stuck in here.”

“So?”

“So there’s other people out there. Nicer. More stable people whose psychotic shit you don’t have to deal with.”

Ian scoffs at Mickey’s comment. “And what makes you think I want anything to do with them?”

“What? Why would you burden yourself with more shit when you don’t have to?” Mickey remarks.

Ian sighs. “Cause believe it or not, dumbass. I like you.” He sits next to Mickey on the bed. “A lot.” He puts his hand on Mickey’s neck.

“Oh yeah?” Mickey turns to Ian raising his brow, smiling slightly, before he swallows and turns away to stare at his hands.

“Mickey,” Ian says plainly. “I’m not leaving you.” He stops and weighs what he says. “Well I mean technically yes I am physically but…just ‘cause I’m getting out doesn’t mean I’m going to stop wanting to be with you.”

“You sure?” Mickey asks picking at the skin around his fingernails.

Ian turns Mickey’s head up to look at him.

“Definitely.”

Ian leans down to kiss Mickey again and lays his head down in the crook of Mickey’s neck. Mickey laughs lights and moves them to lay more comfortably on the bed.

 

 

Saturday comes and it has an underlining sadness to it for both of them. Even Ian, who was happy to finally be out and see his family again, is also terrified about adjusting to his life outside of a controlled environment and is sad about not being able to see Mickey almost 24/7.

Ian waits on his bed tapping his leg nervously. Mickey walks back in only leaving a few minutes prior. Ian looks up at him to report the time.

“Quarter till one.” Mickey says.

“Fuck.”

“Think they forgot?”

“Nah they’re just a little late. All probably wanted to come. Can be a pain in the ass to get everyone to leave on time usually.” Ian laughs.

Soon after he finishes someone enters their room.

“Gallagher? Family’s here.”

Speak of the devil.

Ian breathes in deeply and stands up. He keeps his hands at his side as he looks at the man who walked in.

“Can I just…” He points to Mickey. “Have a minute?”

The man nods, getting the picture, and steps out.

“Guess this is it,” Ian says looking down at Mickey.

“Guess so…” Mickey bites his chapped lip.

“I’ll come visit as much as I can.”

“You will?”

“Of course. I’ll try to coordinate with Mandy so you don’t get both of us on the same day or something.”

Mickey smiles. Not that he’d be opposed to that, honestly.

“You haven’t heard anything about you getting out of here yet?” Ian asks.

Mickey shakes his head. “Nah. All I know is it got extended cause of that panic disorder shit they’re trying to put on me.”

They had this discussion many times before. Of Mickey accepting yet another thing that “fucked him up’ as Mickey nicely put. His attacks were at least getting better so his doctors must’ve been doing something right.

“Sorry,” Ian says.

“S’ alright. I’m kinda used to this place now anyway.” Mickey looks around the room.

Ian palms Mickey’s hair. “I’m gonna miss kissing you behind closed doors.” He says lightly.

“Ha ha.” Mickey shakes his head. He rubs his hand over his mouth. “Yeah I guess I should slow Mandy down on the cigarette smuggling now that I don’t have to share them.”

Ian laughs. “I’ll miss you too, Mickey.”

“Hey! You’re the one that played it off first.”

He’s stopped with Ian’s lips warmly on his mouth. Mickey closes his eyes and allows Ian to kiss him. He grabs the back of Ian’s head as he kisses back.

They pull away and Mickey can see Ian’s eyes are starting to water. He clears his throat not daring to let Ian seem him cry today. Ian is able to leave this place. He should be happy.

Mickey playfully shoves Ian. “Now get out of here. Don’t want your family to leave without you, huh?”

Ian snickers. He then sighs and sniffs through his now stuffy nose. He wipes away at his eyes.

“See you later then, Mick?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you later, Gallagher.”

Ian gives Mickey one last smile before he exits the room.

Dammed if Mickey would let Ian see him cry but also dammed if he’s gonna do it alone.

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian visits Mickey

Ian visits Mickey a lot. A few times a week, more frequently since Ian still has to therapy sessions with his doctor during the week. He visits Mickey in their bathroom afterwards when he goes. Days he doesn’t have therapy he tries to make it for visiting hours.

One particular day during Ian’s second week gone Mickey goes into their bathroom for a smoke. He finds Ian sitting on the counter, waiting. It’s not one of Ian’s therapy days so Mickey’s confused but smiles nonetheless.

“What’re you doing here?” Mickey asks making his way over to Ian. Ian jumps down from the counter and walks past Mickey. He turns around still looking at the ground.

“It’s shitty out there.” Ian confesses. “I don’t even know how to explain it. It just swallows you up and you can’t fucking breathe and shit. I’m sick of people stepping around me I’m just… Fuck.” Ian pulls his hair and looks up at Mickey. He laughs not meaning to go on a tirade. He sighs. “Well I got good news.” He announces smiling at Mickey.

Mickey stares at him concerned but then cracks a smile. “What’s that?’

“I’m coming back.”

Mickey’s smile disappears quickly. “You what?”

Ian laughs bitterly. “Yeah I lasted what? A week?”

“What the fuck you talking about?”

Ian shakes his head. “I never should’ve left. It was a mistake. I’m not strong enough out there.”

Mickey shakes his head and Ian watches him walk over to the sink. He turns it on full blast and grabs a paper towel.

“Mickey?” Ian walks towards Mickey to see what he’s doing when Mickey turns around and throw the soaking paper towel at him.

“Ahh the fuck, Mickey!” Ian exclaims.

Mickey continues to spash water on to him.

“The fuck is with you? Stop it. Stop!” Ian tries to block his hand from getting more water on him.

“Fuck you!” Mickey shouts.

“What?”

“Fuck you, you piece of shit!”

Mickey walks away from the sink and Ian moves to turn it off.

“I don’t…” Ian starts.

Mickey turns back to him sharply. “You had a chance to get out of this shithole and now you want back in?”

“You don’t know what it’s like out there. In here everything is…”

“Is what? Is what?!”

“Easy.” Ian finishes.

Mickey’s anger lessens a bit, he breathes carefully through his nose. He looks at Ian.

“What if things get bad again? What if something happens and I can’t handle it?”

Mickey sighs understanding Ian’s uneasiness. He walks over to him no longer pissed.

“You’re gonna fight whatever shit life hands you like the headstrong asshole you are.” Mickey says.

 He stands in front of Ian. “Look at me,” He says grabbing Ian’s face. “You can handle it. You can handle anything. I fucking know you can.” Mickey pulls Ian head down and their foreheads touch. “You’re Ian fucking Gallagher. If you don’t got it no one does.”

Mickey lets go of Ian’s face and moves slightly away from him. He lights his cigarette. “Shit,” He says, stick in mouth. “If you give up I got no hope for me.”

“Don’t say that.” Ian looks to Mickey.

Mickey shrugs. “It’s the fucking truth.” He laughs softly. “Shit ever since you got out I’ve been trying to be more like you. Show them how good I can be, how seriously I’m taking this shit.”

“Really?” He almost smiles. No one ever used him as a good example.

“Yes really. You’re a fucking inspiration, Gallagher.”

Ian grins. “Come here.” He says. Mickey listens and Ian leans down to kiss him. He kisses Mickey softly but tenderly. Their tongues moving smoothly with one another’s. Ian pulls back as Mickey’s cheeks start to redden.

“I miss you.” Ian says.

“Yeah, yeah. You too.” Mickey say and points to Ian. “But I don’t want to see you back in here, you got me?”

Ian nods. “Yeah I get you.”

“Good.”

“I can still visit though right.”

“You better, asswipe.”

Mickey palms his hand through Ian’s semi-wet hair and chuckles.

“Thanks for the shower by the way,” Ian jokes.

“Hey you deserved it.” Ian laughs and Mickey joins in.

After a laughing carefree for a little while Mickey stops. “Ey you got the time?”

“Uhm yeah.” Ian looks at his watch. “Quarter after 3.”

“Shitt,” Mickey says stubbing out his cigarette.

“What?”

“Got a meeting with my doctor.” He starts to put away his pack in his hiding spot. “Get to see when I can get the fuck out of here.”

“Seriously?” Ian smiles.

“Yup.” He looks back up after successfully hiding his cigarettes. He walks over to Ian. “Wish me luck?” He smiles and walks to the door.

Ian grabs his arm to stop him and pulls him back, kissing Mickey again. “Good luck.” He says pulling away.

Mickey grins wide before walking away and heading out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey and Ian reunite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys! Hope you enjoyed :)

Mickey gets out a week and a half later with promise to come back 2-3 times a week for therapy session and to keep some sort of log if he starts having problems with his panic attacks so they could place exactly why he was having them. They were anticipating they’d get worse now that he was out and wanted to make sure he could get them under control, and then there was also the meds to keep track of.

Mickey doesn’t tell Ian of his release dat. Ian never asks because he figured Mickey would’ve told him good news if he had it. Matter of face Ian did ask the day after the bathroom incident and Mickey left it at “Still go some time here.” Not specifying what “some time” meant.

Ian is working today. Mickey knows because Ian always insists on telling Mickey his work schedule when they meet ever since he got the job a week ago. He guesses Ian does so to not make Mickey worry about where he is if he can’t make a visiting time.  Not that Mickey would worry anyway he just wants Ian with him.

Mandy picks him up in their run down family car. She gives him a warm hug and smiles a little to brightly for Mickey’s taste but he accepts it. She must be relieved to have him back home. _Shit. Home._ Mickey thinks. Through all this time of wanting to get out he didn’t even think about home. About his room next to the bathroom that people were constantly going in and out from despite there being a different exit, about his brother always in and out of the house loud as fuck, about his father. Shit he fucking forgot about Terry. How could he forget about Terry?

He hears Mandy talk carefully to him and nudge him. “Mickey?”

Mickey shakes his head. “What?”

“You alright?”

“Yeah yeah. I just forgot.”

“About what?”

“Home. I forgot I was going home.”

Mandy looks scared briefly.

“No not like that just what it meant exactly to be home and shit.” He shakes his head. “I forgot about Dad.”

“Dad?” Mandy asks. She laughs. “Mick don’t worry about him.”

“What?”

“It’s taken care of.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Mandy winks at him. “Don’t worry about. We got you.” She opens the door to the driver’s side and gets in. Mickey walks over to the passenger side and does the same.

He fastens his seatbelt and looks at her. “You didn’t fucking kill him did you?’

Mandy laughs. “No. No. He’s just gone for a very very long time.”

And just that small sentence gave Mickey a world of comfort.

“Hey you mind if you drop me off at Jimmy-Jakes later?” Mickey asks Mandy once they get home.

“’Burgers and shakes?’ What do you want to go there for?” She asks.

Mickey shrugs. “Someone I need to see.”

“You just got out Mick. Who do you need to see?”

Mickey eyes her and she laughs. “Alright. Fine.”

A few hours later they head to the burger place and park outside but Mandy stops Mickey before he can leave. She reaches in the back and pulls out pill bottles, Mickey’s pill bottles. “You’re not leaving till you take these,” she says.

Mickey sighs. “Fine.” He holds out his hand and Mandy tosses him a water bottle. Mickey downs his recommended intake and smiles at his sister. He messes up her hair before exiting the car, leaving just before she’s able to smack him.

Mickey enters the restaurant and is lead to a booth immediately. He opens the menu the host gave him and looks through the food listings while also trying to hide his face. He didn’t want to be known as the person that went and ate at a burger joints alone. Finally Mickey spots the person he came for, Ian. He watches the redhead talking with the host his back to Mickey. Then he sees the host point at him and Mickey hides back behind the menu.

He hears footsteps making their way to him and then a sigh.

“I get off soon but I can get you a drink as you wait.” The waiter says. Mickey looks up at him briefly and sees that he’s just eyeing his notepad waiting for Mickey to give him an order.

“Your shakes any good here?” Mickey jokingly asks.

Ian’s about to give the whole ‘It’s called Jimmy-Jakes Burgers and Shakes for a reason’ but then sees who it is asking the question, finally.

He almost drops his notepad. “Mickey?” He practically yells.

Mickey grins and holds his hands up. “In the flesh.”

“What the fuck you doing here?”

Mickey picks up the menu again and mockingly looks it over. “You know I heard you guys have like the 5nd best Burger on the street. Figured I should try it.”

Ian crosses his arms and Mickey laughs.

“I came to see you, dumbass. What else?”

“How did you? When did you…?”

“Today. Mandy picked me up a few hours ago.”

Ian shakes his head and grins.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me?”

Mickey looks up at him and runs his tongue across his lip. “Wanted to surprise you.”

Ian laughs then looks at his watch. “I got like 5 minutes left on my shift. I’ll get your shake and then I can join you?” Ian offers.

Mickey grins. “Sounds good.”

Ian takes his pen and holds his notepad up again. “Did you decide on a flavor?”

“Hmm. What would you recommend?”

Ian scratches behind his ear. “Uhh. I don’t know. I heard the Red Velvet shake was good.”

“Alright I’ll have that then.”

Ian writes the order down and puts his pen behind his ear, he winks at Mickey before turning around, laughing and shaking his head.

Mickey waits at his booth, tapping his finger on the table anxiously. Ian arrives 5 minutes later on the dot with two shakes in his hand. He puts Mickey’s in front of him and then sits down across with Mickey with his.

“What’d you get?” Mickey asks.

“Dark Chocolate.” Ian answers and takes a sip. He closes his eyes in satisfaction with the tastiness of his shake.

Mickey takes a sip of his and is pleasantly surprised at how fucking good it is. Shit. He takes more sips until he gets a brain freeze and has to rest.

“How’s your shake?” Ian asks, dipping his spoon into his to mix it more.

“Good.” Mickey says taking another sip. “Sweet.” He continutes. He stops and looks up at Ian. He smiles softly. “I like them sweet.”

Ian snickers. He licks the chocolate off his lips and grabs his shake. He stands up and Mickey looks at him like he did something wrong. Ian walks over to Mickey and sits by him in the booth instead.

“So do I,” Ian says and pushes his shake away. He moves closer to Mickey and moves his head down to Mickey’s neck, kissing him. He mouth moves up Mickey’s jawline and to his mouth. Mickey kisses him back, running his hands through Ian’s hair. Mickey pulls away briefly.

“You sure, man? I mean you work here.”

“Fuck em. I’m off right now so they can’t do shit.”

So they make out in the booth for a while. Their shakes melting into flavored milk.

 

Ian and Mickey continue to be with each other despite each of their struggles and baggage. It isn’t always easy and never perfect, both still experience fall backs from time to time, but they are each other’s saviors in the end and they won’t have it any other way.


End file.
